in so many ways I am still fifteen

in so many ways I am still fifteen / I don’t want to give anything up / these sugar sweet saccharine days / still L’Oréal lipstick in Cinnamon Toast / still a body doused in Bath & Body Works A Thousand Wishes / still it burns the nostrils like liquid fire / still my very first kiss under a blanket of stars / still a bad driver, wheels slamming the curb every time / still skeptical at Sunday mass, pinching my thigh to believe in how real it burns / still this dense suburban air is the only air I’ve ever known / because in so many ways I am still fifteen / not wanting to give anything up / still shaking out of fear in high school bathrooms / still sporting chipped fingernail polish / just take it off already damn it / why do I / still hold onto things that have already had their time? / still my baby pink bedroom / still the secrets I can’t even tell God / I can feel Him listening through the walls / still I doubt anyone would ever save me / I don’t even know if I would have saved me / back then at least / but I do it every day now / in so many ways / in so many ways / in so many ways / because I have to! / because what would Jesus do? / I’m still not sure / but nowadays I find myself smiling at me / yes / that me / still fifteen / still not able to give anything up / and with hands folded in prayer / she smiles back / did you hear that? / she smiles back.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: