Withdrawal

He is never vicious. Instead, romantic almost, the constancy of his presence defiling the bloodstream– lingering reminders of phantoms under nail beds and tragedies embedded within split ends.
He is Addiction, my sheltered lover, I cannot rid of his embrace. But I, having tasted freedom, crave it, like a juvenile aches for independence, throbs for the open road escaping monotony. He dreams only of my violet veins, pines for me, tongue double-knotted to worship at my ankles. His molars chatter without a taste of my marrow yet he remains an infatuated insomniac– vile breath of obsession always seeping through the hollows of my temples and into the moments where I bleed vulnerability, weeping counterfeit purity, writhing to slip through his wretched calloused fingers. His evil is handsome, handsome as arsenic, as promise, as blasphemy. I always stare.
I am in love, I tell him, but not with him. In love with the shadows of yesterdays where I did not tremble without him, before violence was taught to harbor my colors. He is blinded by his inability to believe me, veils of tainted brides serenading his cataracts. Belief– what a biting fallacy! It is comprised of the virgin’s ashes, charcoal trails of sorrow encompassing the circular echoes of his laughter. He laughs, he laughs, he laughs like malignant salvation. I always listen.
His eyes starve. The crumbled backbones of the murdered know his name well– toxicity, electricity, dependency, see? It is but the shallow love of an imposter. I watch as he swallows everything I am in love with. Doors slam, tendons snap, blood clots and pools. The residue of my joy collects upon my tongue, and then his, a spotless crime.
He does not blink. It is all gone and I am running, running, running, breath twitching under my palpitating footsteps. He always stays, warming the wooden benches planted on the backs of my eyelids, where he smiles, knowing it is only a matter of heavy gasps before I run back screaming into his white-knuckled devotion.
He knows my name, he says he loves me, he wants me. He holds my hand, devours my mind.
I always stay.

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