Broken Heaven

i have spent forever just staring down at the gaping cracks in the sidewalk,
trying to find crevices to fit myself into,
as if my life had always felt just a few sizes too big for me,
a pair of ripped hand-me-down jeans you get from your older cousins

but it wasn’t always this way, empty gaps where happiness used to reside
like that unfamiliar neighbor who left in the winter.
a forever of letting you take more and more away from me
until i could no longer find the shattered pieces of myself,
losing myself in half-hearted goodbyes,
feelings like crushed stained glass littering the immaculate marble floor of a cathedral

an eternity wondering where you went,
if it pained you even the slightest bit
to see me lying there even more beautiful as an irreparably broken mess of something that once was-
than i ever was when i was whole

 

but that’s just it-
the absence you left behind no longer feels like a curse,
now i am able to peek through the spaces
between my fingers and see the light,
with my chin up and facing the sun instead of the sidewalk
because i am no longer afraid to feel warmth
because i am no longer afraid to feel love,
able to unfold myself and feel brand new
instead of feeling like the worn-out paperback copy
of a book you were required to read

and it is beautiful
because the mirror in my bathroom no longer reveals
the shadow of a girl with dark clouds for eyes
unfolding a soul of earthquakes and hurricanes,

instead,
eyes that reflect cotton-candy skies
and the sound of hummingbirds
singing their song of new beginnings
because i have been acquainted
with far too many endings
for this to be just another chapter
I’ll be forced to forget

because I see the sun and her glorious rays
peeking through the silver linings
of that blanket of meaningless gray
and I find myself dancing alone
in the dawn of a
new day