i’d rather drown in your eyes than be able to breathe perfectly fine without you

I look at you and I see half-finished poems and words that don’t exist, your eyes are like indigo oceans I keep drowning in but somehow I don’t mind not being able to breathe.  I wish I knew more about why you are the way you are, what terrifies you the most about yourself, and why I find it difficult to catch my breath when you look at me as if I am a stolen daydream. You make up for a lot of things, really, like going through fourth period half asleep because last night it took me three hours to stop thinking about you. You make up for that, and everything else. You are made of electricity and good intentions stitched together with a voice that could shatter a million hearts, and I am just a lost soul wondering why I trust you with mine. And I do, I do, I trust you with my stupid old heart, and I want to memorize every single corner of yours like the back of my hand. I want to know how a heart like yours could love such a wounded one like mine, but maybe that’s what love is, sacrificing perfection for something tragically real. I look at you and I see fluctuating potential, like the morning sun peeking out behind tired gray clouds, and how sometimes that has to be enough. Ever since I met you, my heart has remembered how to beat, my hands have remembered how to hold, and you love me enough to make me forget how much I don’t love myself. Maybe you are temporary and maybe you’re an illusion, but I still cling to the hope that maybe, this is why I held on until now.

expiration dates

i look at the bags beneath my eyes and i see a crime scene,
a restless heart made of shattered  glass bottles
and shouted words sharp enough to cut through skin
and i wonder why anyone would choose
to love someone like me

you’re the kind of boy with electric lips,
the kind of boy who bleeds poetry
and you’re a crime scene just like me,
one that screams danger,
you set everything around you on fire
yet i wouldn’t mind being turned to ash by you

i’m a ticking bomb of interrupted love
and i worry that you’ll leave me,
that you’ll run away with my fleeting heart
still tiredly beating in your hands
and i’ll be forced to destroy everything around me
just because you couldn’t love a girl who couldn’t love herself

i fear the day i’ll wake up on the ground
realizing that i am just another painted face
in your pile of broken girls with expiration dates

i will live without you, i will forget you

I remember the day you left me as vividly as yesterday
and how I tried to memorize every detail of your face
when we said goodbye, as if I would never see it again,
because I wasn’t sure if I would be able to live
not being able to remember the person I called my home

I used to think of you as my oxygen,
as tightly-sewn thread,  holding me together,
as a half-finished love story,
you were always something that I swore
I couldn’t live without,
you were always the reason I woke up
every morning feeling brand new,
and I wasn’t even sure life would be worth living
without you

but the clock kept on ticking without you by my side,
and I’m learning to let go, you beautiful creature,
I am still learning,
but one day I will understand
and although my heart still stings when I read your letters,
and even though I feel a pang of emptiness
when the air gets cold and I remember
everything about you,

I am learning how to forget you,
we will always be words left unsaid
but maybe things are better this way
(I will live without you)